L.K.K. Research Labs Tee

From across the room: a clean, heavyweight Oat tee with a small label-like mark at the chest.

Up close: that mark reads L.K.K. Research Labs. On the back, a tonal data chart plots the Auntie Speculation Index against Time Elapsed Without a Wedding. The trend is not in your favour.

The inside talks.

• Care label — Machine wash cold. Dry flat. Call your mother. Not about this.

The make: 240gsm garment-dyed cotton, boxy fit, tonal back print, woven K-seal label. Open stock.